Looking in the mirror

When I was heavier, I was nowhere near as confident as I am now. I would constantly worry about how other people would view me. I dressed in mostly baggy men’s clothing or oversized band t-shirts. I didn’t feel pretty so I didn’t dress pretty. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a huge mess of a person. I hated the reflection staring back at me.

As I started losing the weight, I started liking what I saw more and more. My confidence grew and I started taking care of myself a lot better. I started dressing for my shape and I learned how to properly do my makeup. When you look good, you FEEL good. People started to notice the change. I would get praised by people I knew and strangers alike. It felt so good to get that attention so I kept working at my goals.

Even though I get praised on my progress, there are times where I will look in the mirror or at pictures and STILL see me as obese.  Even though I know I’m almost 100bs lighter, I’m back in that size 24 mindset. It’s like looking in a funhouse mirror. I know it’s not me, but my brain is registers it as truth. Then, I will see myself in other mirrors and I’ll be “skinny”. So much so that I don’t recognize myself.  It really is strange to see yourself so different from the person you grew up knowing.

Even though the concept of body confidence is still relatively new to me, I consider myself the strong girl I used to envy. I am a leader. I am someone who doesn’t take people walking all over her. It took a long time to get here but I know that this Nic is a positive role model for her daughters and other women who have had the same struggles

I know I still have some more road to go down before I’m exactly where I want to be. The only thing that will get me there is hard work. I can’t obsess over my loose tummy or big thighs. It will only be detrimental. What I can focus on is my awesome butt, my newly muscular arms, my dancer’s legs, my hourglass curves, and my pronounced collarbones. I can focus on what I love and it keeps “size 24 Nic” out of my head.  I can always remind myself that once I could not see my toes when I looked at the floor, now when I look down, I can see the floor behind me.  That always puts me back in perspective.

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